COOKING LIGHT MAGAZINE

The Plus Side of Play
By R. Daniel Foster

Goofing around can help your marriage,your career, and your overall emotional
edge. Here's a grownup's guide to acting more like a kid.

I have no problem playing the fool. When I'm in-line skating with friends, I'm the first to take a pratfall across the overturned trash can some hotshots are jumping over. And most mornings I talk to myself in the bathroom mirror-inane conversations that border on bad performance art, in which I make fun of my neuroses and current foibles.

Of course, I wasn't always like this. I used to be an ardent fan of Masterpiece Theatre, thought roller coasters amusing only for children (even when I was a kid myself), and counted Mozart's Requiem as my favorite song. I'm serious. Or at least I was: very serious.

But-although I can't quite understand why they took such a solemn fellow into the fold in the first place-a group of friends who really know how to let loose reintroduced me to the concept of play. And I've been less stressed out and more laid-back ever since.

I'm not the only one who believes that taking a playful approach even to such sober subjects as work is good emotional medicine. Plenty of psychological experts agree-and some have even banked their entire careers on it. "When we play, our point of focus is no longer on an internal self-image-an overconcern about the way we appear to others," says Matt Weinstein, Ph.D., founder of Berkeley, California-based Playfair Inc., which teaches play-based team-building skills to corporations. "In that regard, play is freeing. It allows us to discover new aspects of ourselves because a different part of the brain takes over."

Weinstein adds that play doesn't need to be confined to school yards and amusement parks. Work can often incorporate "true play," which experts define as "completely absorbing and with no end beyond itself." For some, being immersed in spreadsheet columns or doodling ideas on a page equals leisure time. We all use play to solve problems and master new skills. Try this barometer when defining what constitutes play in you life: "If you weren't getting paid for it, would you still do it and with the same amount of passion?"

Play is essential to children, who use it to develop bonds and learn about their world. It's also crucial for adults-especially in maintaining healthy marriages, according to a study at the University of Texas and Southern Illinois University. Most couples use a private, playful language full of unique gestures and phrases to negotiate, confront, and address a range of delicate subjects. In one study, researchers found that when playfulness dries up, a marriage can start to sour.

In our information-and-technology-driven society, a militaristic commitment to maximizing every minute can even seep into leisure time. "When I ask my students why they play a sport, they talk about 'body-fat ratios,' 'endorphin release,' and 'increasing lean-muscle mass,'" says Margaret Carlisle Duncan, Ph.D., associate professor of human kinetics at the University of Wisconsin at Milwaukee and past president of The Association for the Study of Play. "They seldom say, 'because it's fun,' or 'it's a way to have a good time with my buddies.'" Doing something for the fun of it becomes almost a bad thing because it's seen as unproductive.

Remember those predictions in the '60s of four-day work weeks yielding more leisure time than Americans could handle? They were way off. "Instead, we're working longer hours in order to afford more expensive forms of leisure, and the time we do grab is often wasted on watching TV or shopping in the mall," Duncan says. Time, in fact, has become a currency that Americans "spend" instead of "pass."

So how can you "play better?" It's a bit like asking how to schedule spontaneity into your life. But there are ways to get yourself to lighten up-a skill that's particularly important during the holiday season, when you're constantly asked to muster a festive mood despite the daily demands of work and home. Try your hand at these strategies.

Let time fly. It's hard to tap into the sense of freedom that's the essence of play when you live by the clock. "Take off your watch when you don your leisure suit," Duncan says. That may even make your workouts more enjoyable-in fact, you might have so much fun that your daily walks creep up from your usual 30 minutes to nearer an hour.

Seek cheap thrills. In his presentations to corporations, Weinstein has participants list all the fun things they can do for less than $5. "One of my favorites is paying the bridge toll for the person behind you," he says. "That's a great advantage of play-it wakes you up so you can look at life from a different perspective."

Put fun first. Choose sports and other activities that are play-minded; racing a sled down a snow-covered hill, playing a game of Ping-Pong, or cooking. "People who cook often approach it as play because it involves creativity and experimentation," says Howard Papush, founder of the Los Angeles-based Let's Play Again, which teaches teamwork through play to fun-deprived corporate types.

Stop thinking so much-and just do. Spontaneity is largely a matter of "getting out of your own way and out of your head," Duncan says. Play in inherently impractical, "an ease of mind in which you don't need to impress anyone," she says. "That's the reason I love to be with my kids, because they're always poking fun at me, mocking how serious play becomes for people in leisure studies."

Strike bargains with yourself. "I believe there's a kid's voice in our heads that often says, 'We're working too much. Where's the fun?'" Papush says. "You have to make deals with that voice. Tell it you have to go to work, but that you'll go to that movie tonight that you really wanted to see-and then follow through. It's a way to achieve balance."

Play at work… Both Papush and Weinstein are experts in this area. "Cooperative play is an incredibly connecting force for employees," Papush says. "Playing together is synonymous with working together." Weinstein's book, Managing to Have Fun (Simon and Schuster, 1997), outlines 52 ways to have fun on the job. Among them: Organize a paper-airplane-flying contest; play "Happy Birthday" to a fellow employee on your telephone key-pad; and organize an ugly-tie contest. Weinstein doesn't advocate that offices become free-for-all playpens, but "this kind of thing takes people out of hierarchical roles," he says. "It's a way for people to build relationships and have a common language."

…And don't take work home. If you're an architect and have an evening with the house to yourself, avoid flipping through trade magazines. "Most people who bring work home never do it anyway," Papush says. "It makes employees feel even more guilty that they're not doing enough." The solution, though, is not to stay at the office until midnight every night: Try setting limits. Leave work, for example, on time once a week, than twice a week, and so on.

Some people are just born to have a good time, and others tend to approach life with a much more serious attitude, Weinstein says. "It's about how much you let yourself get into the flow of an event and derive pleasure from it."

So, if you're more of a straight man than a cutup and yearn to let go, here's my suggestion: Start tomorrow morning by having a talk with yourself in the bathroom mirror-with the door closed, of course. If you can make light of our bedhead hairdo and your dour a.m. disposition, chances are you'll be more laid-back during the day. Take small steps. In a week you may be singing in the shower.